


The Single Consulting Detective's Guide to Dating

by DataAngel (TheNinth)



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Awkwardness, Dating, F/M, Funny, Gen, Male-Female Friendship, Sherlock Holmes on the Asexuality Spectrum
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-04-30
Updated: 2014-04-30
Packaged: 2018-01-21 10:44:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 399
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1547804
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheNinth/pseuds/DataAngel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sherlock and Janine go on dates.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Single Consulting Detective's Guide to Dating

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Mad_Lori](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mad_Lori/gifts).



> It started like this: Madlori posted on Tumblr "I really want to read about Sherlock and Janine’s fake relationship.
> 
> I want to see their fake dates, hear Sherlock’s manufactured charming-guy conversation, see their tentative first makeouts. I want to see her go for his dick and him panicking, I want to see her make him meet her friends.
> 
> I want it aaaaaalll."
> 
> Then this happened.

Janine leaned over the small table. The exposed portion of her cleavage was dangerously close to the flickering candle. If her hair had been loose instead of up in a complicated twist Sherlock knew she would be on fire in seconds, based on the heavy volume of hair spray she regularly employed. "C’mon, Sherley. Do it. Right here."

He glared, bristling at the nickname and the demand. “No. This is a date. We are on. A. Date.”

"Please?" She used her "cute little girl" voice. Sherlock detested that voice. The word came out "Pweeze."

"Janine, no. I’ve been told it’s not appropriate here.”

She pouted and crossed her arms, pushing her breasts up a little higher. “But by the time we get back to your place it’ll be too late. The _mood_ won’t be right. It won’t be as much _fun_.”

Sherlock barely hid his eyeroll. “Very well. But don’t get used to this. I’m not going to just…” he gestured vaguely to the room “whip it out on demand. I’m not a performing monkey.”

Janine clapped her hands silently and did a little shimmy in her seat. She’d been waiting all week for this. Their date. This _moment_.

Sherlock glanced quickly around the restaurant, and drew a deep breath. “Right. My twelve, your six, a young couple with, I believe her parents. They’re going to tell her parents that they’re expecting a baby. Their first. Her mum knows — mums always know — but she’s been waiting for them to bring it up first. Three o’clock, wedding anniversary. Fifteenth, I think. It’s a milestone but not a major one. They’ve outgrown each other. No kids. She focused on her career. He focused on painting metal miniatures for some sort of board game. Dull.

"My six, brink of divorce. They’re faking it for the kids, but the kids wish they’d just stop making each other miserable. They’re teenagers. They can handle the split. At nine, first date. He’s trying very hard to impress the other fellow, but he’s worried he’s not going to be able to afford the bill. And finally, the waitress for the table closest to the kitchen has been trying to figure out how to give you her number ever since we walked in here."

Sherlock took a sip of water and sat back, looking smug. Janine fanned herself, stole a glance at the waitress, and then laughed.


End file.
